I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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