I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
