were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
