My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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