I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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