This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
