Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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