i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
did i just pee glitter
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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