...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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