before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
