I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
