I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
