I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
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I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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