apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
