The maid of honor just puked.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I sprained my soul last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize