how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
