Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
