Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
