sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
