I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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