so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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