Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
