her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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