I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
