but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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