I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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