He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
