just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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