Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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