I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
