...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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