I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
