I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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