I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
