based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
wow bdsm is so cute
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
