Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
