Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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