you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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