Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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