I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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