A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
