Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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