Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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