we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize