Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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