dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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