I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
