what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
