Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
