took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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