I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pants are for mortals
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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