just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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