I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
