she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
