Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my being single is dangerous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
