So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
