So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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