Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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