im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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