I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
