Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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