i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my shit smells like andre
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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