I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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