What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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