I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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