I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he thought i was a dude.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
