made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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