it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize