Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
