I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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