i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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