i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was like eating out sand paper
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
