Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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