Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
